Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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