I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize