No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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