Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
