I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
