My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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