I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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