I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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