I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
