Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
