id be glad to
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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