she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
