Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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