remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
