why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
