I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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