Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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