I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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