I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So much rum. So many feels.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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