She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
