drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
