What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will be naked everywhere
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize