fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
