There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
