You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
