brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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