You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
