I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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