You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
