i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
