I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
