I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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