i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
