Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
