You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
