So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
