this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
