just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
