I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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