the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
