just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
