you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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