Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
ttyl tear gas
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
