So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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