i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
