At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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