Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
