pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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