My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
