If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
