Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
