Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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