It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
