I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
