Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We're too hungover to prance.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
