he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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