Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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