Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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