So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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