it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
