Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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