her vagina looked like bernie madoff
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
