dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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