I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
