none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
