drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize