Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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