I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize