You really coming over, don't trick.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
