what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
