Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
