wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
