Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
