Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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