We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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