I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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