He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
