In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
