He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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