No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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