Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
