Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
