Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
