So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
