I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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