Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize