none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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