I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
