I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
