Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
