I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
