She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
