Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
