I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
