this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
ok first of all what the fuck
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
